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Funny Pictures And Jokes Biography

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Two High Court lawyers hired a secretary from a small town in the hills. She was attractive, and really hot but it was obvious that she knew nothing about city life.

One attorney said to the other, "Our secretary is so young, pretty and naive that she might be taken advantage of by some of those fast-talking city guys. Why don't we teach her what's right and what's wrong?"

"Great idea," said the partner. You teach her what's right."

Just as a young man was about to get a chest X-ray, the equipment slipped and his pelvic region was X-Rayed instead.

"Oh, no!", cried the lab technician, "Your reproductive organs just received a huge dose of radiation!"

"What does that mean?" asked the worried young man.

"It's serious," replied the technician. "All your children will be lawyers!"

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: the bad news is that the dna tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene.

Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?.

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol IS NORMAL!

Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge, each agreed to hear the other's case.

The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant's table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.

They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.

The second judge was furious. "I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!" he fumed.

The first judge looked at him and replied, "This is the second such case we've had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!"

Counsel: "Are you a qualified pathologist?"

Witness: "Yes."

Counsel: "On 21st June, 2013, do you recall being at Regina Hospital in the evening?"

Witness: "Yes."

Counsel: "And do you recall examining a deceased person called Harold Schindler there at that time?"

Witness: "Yes." Counsel: "Approximately what time did you start the autopsy?"

Witness: "At about 7.30 p.m."

Counsel: "And Mr. Schindler was dead at that time?"

Witness: "No, he was sitting on the table asking why I was doing an autopsy on him."

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fees.

The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court."

Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days.

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.

The teacher put forward his argument saying, "If I win this case,as per the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money."

Equally brilliant student argued back saying, "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet, So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything."

This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.

Ever wondered how a lawyer could write a love letter to his girlfriend? To .....,

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms ......,

1. That I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 7th of August (Wednesday).

2. That with reference to the meeting held between us on the 11th of Aug. at 15:00hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

3. That our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

4. That needless to say and of course, upon completion of probation, I propose that there will be a continuous 'on the job training' and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

5. That I propose that the expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us.

6. That I further propose that later, based on our mutual performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

7. That however I am broad-minded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

8. That I humbly request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

9. That I wish to add here that I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation.

Please reply if you desire so...

Yours sincerely,

Mr. ...

Adv for y

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"