Funny Politics Quotes Biography
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Let me take you back, way back to a time when Australian federal politics wasn’t the sole domain of Kevin Rudd and Tony Abbott – two of the most dour, drab and humourless politicians in living memory.
Folks, it’s time to play remember when. It’s time to laugh again.
This is my list of the top ten funniest moments in Australian politics.
The Top Ten Funniest Moments in Australian Politics, starting with:
10. The Hewson GST Birthday Cake meltdown
The 1993 election campaign was the Opposition’s to lose, and as Liberal leader John Hewson did just that. The precise moment when defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory came on Channel Nine’s A Current Affair program when Mike Willesee interviewed Hewson. Willessee asked: “As an example of this, if I buy a birthday cake and GST was in place, do I pay more or less for that birthday cake?” Hewson’s muddled response caused eyes to roll across the length and breadth of the nation. In three short minutes the election was lost.
For some odd reason I have a vision of Hewson rising from his seat and asking his minders, “I think that went well. What do you reckon?”
9. Paul Keating and the Pie Shop
In a corollary episode, Keating decided to make the most of Hewson’s garbled GST explanations. Just days before, Keating had gone to a chemist shop in Brisbane with the media in tow. Keating marched into the chemist shop and the chemist dutifully went through the rows of pharmaceutical and ancillary stock on his shelves. It was a masterstroke. The chemist was genuinely baffled about what would be subject to the tax and what would not.
A stunt like that deserved another, Keating’s minders thought and so another media event was organised, this time in a bakery in Nowra on the NSW south coast. The Labor candidate for Gilmore, Peter Knott was summoned and told to find a pliant bakery owner and give him the drum.
Keating showed up to a media throng, expecting another milk run.
In an instant it became clear that the bakery shop proprietor had not been briefed properly by Knott or that if he had been given the mail, he seemed to have misplaced it. Rather than being deeply confused about Hewson’s GST, the proprietor railed on and on to Keating about payroll tax (which is levied by the states) while the cameras whirred and clicked in the background.
A shocked and angry Keating left the shop in a huff, jumped into his Comm Car and sped away as quickly as he could.
Keating never spoke to Peter Knott again, despite the fact that Knott won Gilmore and was in parliament for the next three years. When Keating referred to Knott at all, he did so only in the third person, calling Knott “the c--- from the pie shop.”
8. A light globe explodes and Bob Hawke thinks he’s about to be assassinated.
In 1986, Prime Minister Bob Hawke held a press conference, musing about uranium mining. “If you left uranium in the ground, it would do nothing for the questions of peace and disarmament. That great mass of the Australian people out there are wise; they are correct.”
A loud bang was then heard. The PM ducked for cover, exclaiming “Jesus Christ”, as he hit the deck. A television light globe had exploded several metres from the PM. Hawke tried to regain his composure but it was clear he thought he’d been in the cross hairs of a sniper’s rifle.
7. Mark Latham shakes John Howard’s hand
In another election losing moment, Opposition leader, Mark Latham stomped his way into a radio station during the 2004 election campaign. Howard had just completed an interview and it was Mark Latham’s turn in the chair. As Howard left the studio, the two men shook hands and Latham, the former front row from the Liverpool Rugby League footy club, grabbed Howard’s hand, shaking it so roughly that I feared he would dislocate Howard’s shoulder.
The footage of the violent episode ran on all news items for days. The electorate was horrified, responding with the resounding cry of “This guy… This is not my kind of guy.”
6. Keating owns Costello
We all know now that Peter Costello didn’t have the bottle to be a political leader. But back in 1994, Keating understood Costello’s frailties better than anyone else. Watch this clip as Costello starts out interjecting loudly but as Keating’s spray goes on, Costello falls silent. Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.
5. Kim Beazley and Rove
Australians generally regarded Kim Beazley with affection. He was a cheerful fellow but not prime ministerial material. He was so damned prolix. It could take him 10 minutes just to say hello and for God’s sake, don’t start him on the weather.
On 17 December, 2006, Rove McManus’s wife Belinda Emmett died after a long battle with cancer. The nation mourned with the McManus, touched by his enduring love for his wife.
Beazley weighed in, confusing McManus with George Dubya’s political aid, Karl Rove. “The first thing I want to say is this,” Beazley said in characteristic time wasting fashion. “Today, our thoughts and the thoughts of many, many Australians will be with Karl Rove as he goes through the very sad process of burying his beloved wife.”
Two weeks later, Beazley was dumped as leader in favour of Kevin Rudd and the rest is history.
4. Malcolm Fraser cries on 1983 election night.
It is election night in 1983 and Malcolm Fraser has just lost government. His speech – a charmless oration of the vanquished, ended in tears. Well, not quite tears. Fraser’s crying involved a sort of chewed lip silent whimper. Malcolm Fraser had achieved the impossible. Even his crying seemed somehow arrogant.
I still have it on video and when I’m feeling down, I watch it. It always cheers me up.
3. Howard’s shaky equilibrium
Former Canberra gallery journo, Mike Seccombe described John Howard as the funniest physical comedian in Australia. Seccombe was spot on. Prat falls, stumbles, hilarious sporting moments; John Howard could do it all.
On one occasion, Howard travelled to Townsville in FNQ. He’d popped straight out of the RAAF burner and into an air conditioned Comm Car and off to meet a motley crew of local government dignitaries. He climbed out of the car into the tropical heat and humidity; his glasses fogging up in an instant. Most of us bespectacled folk would stop and wipe the mist from our glasses before moving on but not John Howard. He stumbled blindly forward, shaking the hands of unseen people before stumbling in what he thought was the right direction. It wasn’t. A polite middle aged woman, gently grabbed Howard by the arm and showed him the right way.
As a political comic, Howard was more god than man. I miss him so much.
2. Downer’s Things that Batter 1994
As Liberal leader, Downer initially attracted record levels of public support. He was a fresh-faced youngster and people warmed to him. However, a series of ugly gaffes saw Downer’s public approval plummet. He saved the best to last with the “Things that Batter” speech. Addressing the NSW Liberal faithful one Friday evening, Downer got to work promoting his much vaunted “Things that Matter” spiel.
He started off with a joke, saying that the footwear industry might call it “The Thongs that Matter”. Laughter all around. Feeling he was on a roll, Downer moved on to another joke, declaring abusive, violent husbands might refer to his policy as “The Things that Batter”.
I’ve worked a few rooms in my time but I’ve never seen a room so quickly fall in to shocked, hostile silence. The outrage was palpable. I can still remember then NSW Liberal leader Kerry Chikarovski’s angry face. She wasn’t on her own. If looks could kill, Downer would have been stillborn retrospectively.
Afterwards, Downer burst into tears in front of the media. His days as leader were numbered.
It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen but it doesn’t quite take the bacon. The clear winner is:
1. Mark Latham’s Home Hair Cut
On 18 January 2005, Mark Latham resigned as leader of the Labor Party and announced he was leaving public life for good. He had been strangely absent for the previous four weeks. The Asian Tsunami, a dreadful disaster causing the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people had occurred but still Latham was nowhere to be seen. His deputy, Jenny Macklin did her best but the media demanded to know where Latham was.
We know now that he had been holidaying on the NSW south coast, contemplating his fate. I can only imagine that Latham had let himself go a tad and by the time he had made his decision to leave politics forever, he probably looked like the wild man of Borneo. No matter, he must have thought, I’ll get the clippers out and tidy myself up a bit in front of the mirror.
When Latham emerged from his home in Sydney’s south west and on to the lawn to conduct his presser, his bonce roughly shorn, he looked like a serial killer.
Latham’s hair may have been askew but in every other respect, it was utterly perfect.
Folks, it’s time to play remember when. It’s time to laugh again.
This is my list of the top ten funniest moments in Australian politics.
The Top Ten Funniest Moments in Australian Politics, starting with:
10. The Hewson GST Birthday Cake meltdown
The 1993 election campaign was the Opposition’s to lose, and as Liberal leader John Hewson did just that. The precise moment when defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory came on Channel Nine’s A Current Affair program when Mike Willesee interviewed Hewson. Willessee asked: “As an example of this, if I buy a birthday cake and GST was in place, do I pay more or less for that birthday cake?” Hewson’s muddled response caused eyes to roll across the length and breadth of the nation. In three short minutes the election was lost.
For some odd reason I have a vision of Hewson rising from his seat and asking his minders, “I think that went well. What do you reckon?”
9. Paul Keating and the Pie Shop
In a corollary episode, Keating decided to make the most of Hewson’s garbled GST explanations. Just days before, Keating had gone to a chemist shop in Brisbane with the media in tow. Keating marched into the chemist shop and the chemist dutifully went through the rows of pharmaceutical and ancillary stock on his shelves. It was a masterstroke. The chemist was genuinely baffled about what would be subject to the tax and what would not.
A stunt like that deserved another, Keating’s minders thought and so another media event was organised, this time in a bakery in Nowra on the NSW south coast. The Labor candidate for Gilmore, Peter Knott was summoned and told to find a pliant bakery owner and give him the drum.
Keating showed up to a media throng, expecting another milk run.
In an instant it became clear that the bakery shop proprietor had not been briefed properly by Knott or that if he had been given the mail, he seemed to have misplaced it. Rather than being deeply confused about Hewson’s GST, the proprietor railed on and on to Keating about payroll tax (which is levied by the states) while the cameras whirred and clicked in the background.
A shocked and angry Keating left the shop in a huff, jumped into his Comm Car and sped away as quickly as he could.
Keating never spoke to Peter Knott again, despite the fact that Knott won Gilmore and was in parliament for the next three years. When Keating referred to Knott at all, he did so only in the third person, calling Knott “the c--- from the pie shop.”
8. A light globe explodes and Bob Hawke thinks he’s about to be assassinated.
In 1986, Prime Minister Bob Hawke held a press conference, musing about uranium mining. “If you left uranium in the ground, it would do nothing for the questions of peace and disarmament. That great mass of the Australian people out there are wise; they are correct.”
A loud bang was then heard. The PM ducked for cover, exclaiming “Jesus Christ”, as he hit the deck. A television light globe had exploded several metres from the PM. Hawke tried to regain his composure but it was clear he thought he’d been in the cross hairs of a sniper’s rifle.
7. Mark Latham shakes John Howard’s hand
In another election losing moment, Opposition leader, Mark Latham stomped his way into a radio station during the 2004 election campaign. Howard had just completed an interview and it was Mark Latham’s turn in the chair. As Howard left the studio, the two men shook hands and Latham, the former front row from the Liverpool Rugby League footy club, grabbed Howard’s hand, shaking it so roughly that I feared he would dislocate Howard’s shoulder.
The footage of the violent episode ran on all news items for days. The electorate was horrified, responding with the resounding cry of “This guy… This is not my kind of guy.”
6. Keating owns Costello
We all know now that Peter Costello didn’t have the bottle to be a political leader. But back in 1994, Keating understood Costello’s frailties better than anyone else. Watch this clip as Costello starts out interjecting loudly but as Keating’s spray goes on, Costello falls silent. Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.
5. Kim Beazley and Rove
Australians generally regarded Kim Beazley with affection. He was a cheerful fellow but not prime ministerial material. He was so damned prolix. It could take him 10 minutes just to say hello and for God’s sake, don’t start him on the weather.
On 17 December, 2006, Rove McManus’s wife Belinda Emmett died after a long battle with cancer. The nation mourned with the McManus, touched by his enduring love for his wife.
Beazley weighed in, confusing McManus with George Dubya’s political aid, Karl Rove. “The first thing I want to say is this,” Beazley said in characteristic time wasting fashion. “Today, our thoughts and the thoughts of many, many Australians will be with Karl Rove as he goes through the very sad process of burying his beloved wife.”
Two weeks later, Beazley was dumped as leader in favour of Kevin Rudd and the rest is history.
4. Malcolm Fraser cries on 1983 election night.
It is election night in 1983 and Malcolm Fraser has just lost government. His speech – a charmless oration of the vanquished, ended in tears. Well, not quite tears. Fraser’s crying involved a sort of chewed lip silent whimper. Malcolm Fraser had achieved the impossible. Even his crying seemed somehow arrogant.
I still have it on video and when I’m feeling down, I watch it. It always cheers me up.
3. Howard’s shaky equilibrium
Former Canberra gallery journo, Mike Seccombe described John Howard as the funniest physical comedian in Australia. Seccombe was spot on. Prat falls, stumbles, hilarious sporting moments; John Howard could do it all.
On one occasion, Howard travelled to Townsville in FNQ. He’d popped straight out of the RAAF burner and into an air conditioned Comm Car and off to meet a motley crew of local government dignitaries. He climbed out of the car into the tropical heat and humidity; his glasses fogging up in an instant. Most of us bespectacled folk would stop and wipe the mist from our glasses before moving on but not John Howard. He stumbled blindly forward, shaking the hands of unseen people before stumbling in what he thought was the right direction. It wasn’t. A polite middle aged woman, gently grabbed Howard by the arm and showed him the right way.
As a political comic, Howard was more god than man. I miss him so much.
2. Downer’s Things that Batter 1994
As Liberal leader, Downer initially attracted record levels of public support. He was a fresh-faced youngster and people warmed to him. However, a series of ugly gaffes saw Downer’s public approval plummet. He saved the best to last with the “Things that Batter” speech. Addressing the NSW Liberal faithful one Friday evening, Downer got to work promoting his much vaunted “Things that Matter” spiel.
He started off with a joke, saying that the footwear industry might call it “The Thongs that Matter”. Laughter all around. Feeling he was on a roll, Downer moved on to another joke, declaring abusive, violent husbands might refer to his policy as “The Things that Batter”.
I’ve worked a few rooms in my time but I’ve never seen a room so quickly fall in to shocked, hostile silence. The outrage was palpable. I can still remember then NSW Liberal leader Kerry Chikarovski’s angry face. She wasn’t on her own. If looks could kill, Downer would have been stillborn retrospectively.
Afterwards, Downer burst into tears in front of the media. His days as leader were numbered.
It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen but it doesn’t quite take the bacon. The clear winner is:
1. Mark Latham’s Home Hair Cut
On 18 January 2005, Mark Latham resigned as leader of the Labor Party and announced he was leaving public life for good. He had been strangely absent for the previous four weeks. The Asian Tsunami, a dreadful disaster causing the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people had occurred but still Latham was nowhere to be seen. His deputy, Jenny Macklin did her best but the media demanded to know where Latham was.
We know now that he had been holidaying on the NSW south coast, contemplating his fate. I can only imagine that Latham had let himself go a tad and by the time he had made his decision to leave politics forever, he probably looked like the wild man of Borneo. No matter, he must have thought, I’ll get the clippers out and tidy myself up a bit in front of the mirror.
When Latham emerged from his home in Sydney’s south west and on to the lawn to conduct his presser, his bonce roughly shorn, he looked like a serial killer.
Latham’s hair may have been askew but in every other respect, it was utterly perfect.
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Funny Politics Quotes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
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