Comedy Cartoon Images Biography
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Narrator: Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece, there was a golden
age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest
and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules.
[a greek vase is shown with a picture of Hercules fighting some monster. Vase
zooms in slowly]
But what is the measure of a true hero? Ah, that is what our story is-
Muse 1: Will you listen to him? He's makin' the story sound like some greek
tragedy.
Muse 5: Lighten up, dude.
Muse 3: We'll take it from here, darling.
Narrator: You go, girls
Muse 3: We are the Muses. Goddeses of the arts and proclaimers of the heroes.
Muse 5: Heroes like Hercules
Muse 1: Honey, you mean "hunk-ules". Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music
with him-
[Muses start humming]
Muse 3: Our story actually begins long before Hercules, many eons ago..
[scene changes colors and the Muses start walking and singing]
Muses: (singing)
Back when the world was new
The planet Earth was down on its luck
And everywhere gigantic brutes called Titans ran amok
[schematic pictures of whatever gets mentioned in the song start moving]
It was a nasty place
There was a mess wherever you stepped
Where chaos reigned and the earthquakes and volcanos never slept
(Whoo! Say it, girlfriend!)
And then along came Zeus
He hurled his thunderbolt -- He zapped
Locked those suckers in a vault -- They're trapped
And on his own, stopped chaos on its tracks
And that's the gospel truth
The guy was too "type A" to just relax
And that's the world's first dish
(yeah, baby!)
Zeus tamed the globe while still in his youth
Tough, honey, it may seem impossible
That's the gospel truth
On Mount Olympus life was neat
And smooth as sweet vermouth
Although honey, it may seem impossible
That's the gospel truth
{schematic picture of Olympus zooms in and turns into a real one. While the
Muses still repeat their 'ah's and 'yeah's, camera moves up the mountain slope,while it does, the movie title, HERCULES, is shown. Then camera goes inside,
passes various chattering gods and finds baby Hercules}
Hera: Hercules! Behave yourself
[Zeus come in to play with baby too]
Zeus: Oh, look at this, look how cute he is..
[Zeus babbles at baby Hercules and he catches Zeus by index finger and lifts
above his cradle]
Hah! Oh, he's strong! Like his Dad, hmm?
Hermes (moving through a crowd of gods): Whoa! Excuse me! Hot stuff coming
through! Excuse me one side, Ares.
[Hermes hand Hera a bundle of glowing flowers]
Hera: Why, Hermes, they're lovely
Hermes: Yeah, you know, I had Orpheus do the arrangement. Isn't that too nutty?
(flying closer to Zeus now)
Fabulous party, you know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since
Narcissus discovered himself
[Narcissus is shown, staring into his mirror and making kissing sounds. Also
Baby Hercules gets one of Zeus' lightnings and plays with it]
Hera: Dear, keep those away from the baby.
Zeus: Oh, he won't hurt himself. Let the kid have a little fun
[Baby Hercules tryes to eat the lightning, gets zapped, and throws it away in
frustration. Three gods jump away from its path, untill Ares hits it with his
sword so it hits a pillar, which immidiately reappears]
Zeus: Oh, on behalf of my son, I want to thank you all for your wonderful
gifts
Hera: What about our gift, dear?
Zeus: Well, let's see here.. we'll take, hmm, yes, a little cirrus, and, hmm,
a touch of nimbostratus, and a dash of cumulus.
[Zeus moves his hand with a little pegasus-shaped cloud on it closer to baby
Hercules and the cloud turns out to be a baby pegasus]
His name is Pegasus, and he's all yours, son.
[Baby Hercules bonks his forehead against Baby Pegasus', he whinnies and licks
Hercules, they hug, all gods sigh]
Hera: Mind his head
Zeus: He's so tiny
[Baby Hercules tries to bite the medallion that hangs from his neck and then
yawns]
Zeus: My boy. My little Hercules.
Hades: How centimental.
[camera moves to Hades fast after his voice is heard]
You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka
caught in my throat! huh?
[All gods look sternly at him]
So is this an audience of a mosaic? Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good.
Nice dress.
[as he is saying that, he moves from one god to another untill Zeus squeezes
him in a hug]
Zeus: So Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades (taking Zeus' hand off his shoulder): well, they're just fine, you know,
a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead
people. What are you gonna do? Ah! There's the little sunspot, little
smootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh?
(he weaves a sucker with skeleton head out of thin mist)
Here you go. Ya just--
[Hercules squeezes Hades' finger, and after some fight he gets away from the
baby]
sheesh! uh, powerful little tyke.
Zeus (hugging Hades once again): Come on, Hades, don't be such a stiff,
join the celebration!
Hades (getting free from the hug again): Hey, love to, babe, but unlike
you gods lounging about up here, I regrettably have a full-time gig
You know, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus,
So.. can't. Love to, but can't.
Zeus: You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death... Hah! work
yourself to death!
[crowd laughing]
Oh, I kill myself
Hades: If only, if only..
{Scene changes back to the Muses}
Muse 3: If there's one god who don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades,
'cause he had an evil plan
{scene changes to a boat on the river Styx, in which a skeleton is carrying
Hades}
Muses sing in background:
He ran the underworld
But thought the dead were dull and uncouth
He was as mean as he was ruthless
And that's the gospel truth
He had a plan to shake things up
[Hades feeds the three-deaded dog Cerberus]
And that's the gospel truth
[Hades gets on the shore]
Hades: Pain!
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
[He trips, roll on the stair and gets seated on a sharp trident]
Hades: Panic!
Panic: Oh, I'm sorry, I can handle it!
[He rans, but trips over Pain, who just got free from the trident, falls over,
and his horns get stuck in Pain the same place trident just was]
Pain: Pain!
Panic: And Panic!
Both: Reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine, just let me know the instant the Fates arrive.
Panic (who just got his horns free from Pain): Oh! They're here!
Hades bursts into flames:
What? The Fates are here and you didn't tell me?
Pain and Panic: We are worms! Worthless worms!
[they really shapechange into worms]
Hades: Memo to me, memo to me, main you after my meeting
{scene change to a cavern with the Fates}
Atropos: Darling, hold that mortal's thread of life good and tight
[She cuts a thread with scissors and a woman scream is heard]
Lachesis: Incoming!
[Fates laugh as a soul enters the cave and flies into a tunnel. Counter above
the tunnel now says "Over 5000000001 served"]
Hades: Ladies! hah! I am so sorry that I'm--
Atropos: Late
Clotho: We knew you would be
Lachesis: We know everything
[they pass their only eye from one another as they speak the next three lines]
Clotho: Past
Lachesis: Present
Atropos: And future (to Panic): Indoor plumbing - it's gonna be big.
Hades: Great. Great. Anyway, see, Ladies, I was at this party, and I lost
track of--
Fates: We know!
Hades: Yeah. I know.. you know. So, here's the deal. Zeus, Mr High and Mighty,
Mr. "Hey, you, get off my cloud," now he has--
Fates: A bouncing baby brat.
Clotho: We know!
Hades: I know.. you know. I know. I got it. I got the concept, so let me just
ask: Is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover big, or what?
What do you think?
Lachesis: Um--
Clotho silences her: Oh no, you don't. We are not supposed to reveal the
future.
Hades: Oh wait, I'm sorry. Time out. Can I? Can I ask you a question, by
the way? Are you, (to Lachesis), did you cut your hair of something?
You look fabulous.
Lachesis giggles
Hade: I mean, you look like a fate worse then death
Lachesis giggles more, Clotho hits her on the head, the eye fells out into the
hands of Panic
Panic: Oh, gross!
Pain: Yech! It's blinkin'!
[he kicks it into Hades' hand]
Hades: Ladies, please, my fate... (he puts the eye to Lachesis' hand) is in
your lovely hands
Lachesis: Oh, yeah
age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest
and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules.
[a greek vase is shown with a picture of Hercules fighting some monster. Vase
zooms in slowly]
But what is the measure of a true hero? Ah, that is what our story is-
Muse 1: Will you listen to him? He's makin' the story sound like some greek
tragedy.
Muse 5: Lighten up, dude.
Muse 3: We'll take it from here, darling.
Narrator: You go, girls
Muse 3: We are the Muses. Goddeses of the arts and proclaimers of the heroes.
Muse 5: Heroes like Hercules
Muse 1: Honey, you mean "hunk-ules". Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music
with him-
[Muses start humming]
Muse 3: Our story actually begins long before Hercules, many eons ago..
[scene changes colors and the Muses start walking and singing]
Muses: (singing)
Back when the world was new
The planet Earth was down on its luck
And everywhere gigantic brutes called Titans ran amok
[schematic pictures of whatever gets mentioned in the song start moving]
It was a nasty place
There was a mess wherever you stepped
Where chaos reigned and the earthquakes and volcanos never slept
(Whoo! Say it, girlfriend!)
And then along came Zeus
He hurled his thunderbolt -- He zapped
Locked those suckers in a vault -- They're trapped
And on his own, stopped chaos on its tracks
And that's the gospel truth
The guy was too "type A" to just relax
And that's the world's first dish
(yeah, baby!)
Zeus tamed the globe while still in his youth
Tough, honey, it may seem impossible
That's the gospel truth
On Mount Olympus life was neat
And smooth as sweet vermouth
Although honey, it may seem impossible
That's the gospel truth
{schematic picture of Olympus zooms in and turns into a real one. While the
Muses still repeat their 'ah's and 'yeah's, camera moves up the mountain slope,while it does, the movie title, HERCULES, is shown. Then camera goes inside,
passes various chattering gods and finds baby Hercules}
Hera: Hercules! Behave yourself
[Zeus come in to play with baby too]
Zeus: Oh, look at this, look how cute he is..
[Zeus babbles at baby Hercules and he catches Zeus by index finger and lifts
above his cradle]
Hah! Oh, he's strong! Like his Dad, hmm?
Hermes (moving through a crowd of gods): Whoa! Excuse me! Hot stuff coming
through! Excuse me one side, Ares.
[Hermes hand Hera a bundle of glowing flowers]
Hera: Why, Hermes, they're lovely
Hermes: Yeah, you know, I had Orpheus do the arrangement. Isn't that too nutty?
(flying closer to Zeus now)
Fabulous party, you know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since
Narcissus discovered himself
[Narcissus is shown, staring into his mirror and making kissing sounds. Also
Baby Hercules gets one of Zeus' lightnings and plays with it]
Hera: Dear, keep those away from the baby.
Zeus: Oh, he won't hurt himself. Let the kid have a little fun
[Baby Hercules tryes to eat the lightning, gets zapped, and throws it away in
frustration. Three gods jump away from its path, untill Ares hits it with his
sword so it hits a pillar, which immidiately reappears]
Zeus: Oh, on behalf of my son, I want to thank you all for your wonderful
gifts
Hera: What about our gift, dear?
Zeus: Well, let's see here.. we'll take, hmm, yes, a little cirrus, and, hmm,
a touch of nimbostratus, and a dash of cumulus.
[Zeus moves his hand with a little pegasus-shaped cloud on it closer to baby
Hercules and the cloud turns out to be a baby pegasus]
His name is Pegasus, and he's all yours, son.
[Baby Hercules bonks his forehead against Baby Pegasus', he whinnies and licks
Hercules, they hug, all gods sigh]
Hera: Mind his head
Zeus: He's so tiny
[Baby Hercules tries to bite the medallion that hangs from his neck and then
yawns]
Zeus: My boy. My little Hercules.
Hades: How centimental.
[camera moves to Hades fast after his voice is heard]
You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka
caught in my throat! huh?
[All gods look sternly at him]
So is this an audience of a mosaic? Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good.
Nice dress.
[as he is saying that, he moves from one god to another untill Zeus squeezes
him in a hug]
Zeus: So Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades (taking Zeus' hand off his shoulder): well, they're just fine, you know,
a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead
people. What are you gonna do? Ah! There's the little sunspot, little
smootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh?
(he weaves a sucker with skeleton head out of thin mist)
Here you go. Ya just--
[Hercules squeezes Hades' finger, and after some fight he gets away from the
baby]
sheesh! uh, powerful little tyke.
Zeus (hugging Hades once again): Come on, Hades, don't be such a stiff,
join the celebration!
Hades (getting free from the hug again): Hey, love to, babe, but unlike
you gods lounging about up here, I regrettably have a full-time gig
You know, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus,
So.. can't. Love to, but can't.
Zeus: You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death... Hah! work
yourself to death!
[crowd laughing]
Oh, I kill myself
Hades: If only, if only..
{Scene changes back to the Muses}
Muse 3: If there's one god who don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades,
'cause he had an evil plan
{scene changes to a boat on the river Styx, in which a skeleton is carrying
Hades}
Muses sing in background:
He ran the underworld
But thought the dead were dull and uncouth
He was as mean as he was ruthless
And that's the gospel truth
He had a plan to shake things up
[Hades feeds the three-deaded dog Cerberus]
And that's the gospel truth
[Hades gets on the shore]
Hades: Pain!
Pain: Coming, your most lugubriousness.
[He trips, roll on the stair and gets seated on a sharp trident]
Hades: Panic!
Panic: Oh, I'm sorry, I can handle it!
[He rans, but trips over Pain, who just got free from the trident, falls over,
and his horns get stuck in Pain the same place trident just was]
Pain: Pain!
Panic: And Panic!
Both: Reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine, just let me know the instant the Fates arrive.
Panic (who just got his horns free from Pain): Oh! They're here!
Hades bursts into flames:
What? The Fates are here and you didn't tell me?
Pain and Panic: We are worms! Worthless worms!
[they really shapechange into worms]
Hades: Memo to me, memo to me, main you after my meeting
{scene change to a cavern with the Fates}
Atropos: Darling, hold that mortal's thread of life good and tight
[She cuts a thread with scissors and a woman scream is heard]
Lachesis: Incoming!
[Fates laugh as a soul enters the cave and flies into a tunnel. Counter above
the tunnel now says "Over 5000000001 served"]
Hades: Ladies! hah! I am so sorry that I'm--
Atropos: Late
Clotho: We knew you would be
Lachesis: We know everything
[they pass their only eye from one another as they speak the next three lines]
Clotho: Past
Lachesis: Present
Atropos: And future (to Panic): Indoor plumbing - it's gonna be big.
Hades: Great. Great. Anyway, see, Ladies, I was at this party, and I lost
track of--
Fates: We know!
Hades: Yeah. I know.. you know. So, here's the deal. Zeus, Mr High and Mighty,
Mr. "Hey, you, get off my cloud," now he has--
Fates: A bouncing baby brat.
Clotho: We know!
Hades: I know.. you know. I know. I got it. I got the concept, so let me just
ask: Is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover big, or what?
What do you think?
Lachesis: Um--
Clotho silences her: Oh no, you don't. We are not supposed to reveal the
future.
Hades: Oh wait, I'm sorry. Time out. Can I? Can I ask you a question, by
the way? Are you, (to Lachesis), did you cut your hair of something?
You look fabulous.
Lachesis giggles
Hade: I mean, you look like a fate worse then death
Lachesis giggles more, Clotho hits her on the head, the eye fells out into the
hands of Panic
Panic: Oh, gross!
Pain: Yech! It's blinkin'!
[he kicks it into Hades' hand]
Hades: Ladies, please, my fate... (he puts the eye to Lachesis' hand) is in
your lovely hands
Lachesis: Oh, yeah
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Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
Comedy Cartoon Images Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures
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