Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures : Funny Political Jokes Funny Political Cartoons Jokes Quotes Pictures Memes Pics Images Photos Pictures

Funny Political Jokes Biography

Source link Google.com.pk

'The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.'

Will Rogers

'In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.'

Thomas Pickering

I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.

Nancy Reagan

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'

Theodore Roosevelt (Could have been any number of presidents since)

Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

Gore Vidal

On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.'

Alexis de Toqueville

'Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy'.

Ernest Benn

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a zoophiliac and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it?" says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it?" shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again?" said the necrophiliac.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it?" said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

heard this "joke" from a military instructor during training but anyway here it goes. A father is taking a shower with his young son when the son asks "dad when will I have a bigger penis like that?" the dad replies "when you get older son" Then the father took a shower with his young daughter and she asked dad when do I get a big penis like that?" Dad responds "as soon as your mother leaves for work"....... Nobody laughed.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you'.

Will Rogers

'Politicians make strange bedfellows, but they all share the same bunk'.

Edgar A. ShoaffPolitical one-liners. French army knife

'You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.'

Joseph Levine

Will and Guy think that this is the best website for the latest political news.

'Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges, even where there are no rivers'.

Nikita Kruschchev

'Artificial hearts are nothing new. Politicians have had them for years.'

Mack McGinnis

Don't vote. You'll only encourage them.

Anon

'Although he is regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics.'

George Mitchell.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. Mark Twain

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. PJ O'Rourke

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

Alfred E. Newman

Apart from the "decorative" policeman, the front door cannot be opened at all from the outside because it has no handle, and no one can enter the building without passing through an airport-style scanner and a set of security gates manned by armed guards.

Despite this, Will and Guy have heard that in the first five years after Tony Blair became Prime Minister [1997 -2002], 37 computers, 4 mobile phones, two cameras, a mini-disc player, a video recorder, four printers, two projectors and a bicycle were stolen from inside the house.

A nationwide poll held in the UK was commissioned by 'UKTV History' to mark the publication of the political journalist and commentator Andrew Marr's History of Modern Britain. Almost 3,000 people were asked for their opinion.

Will and Guy show below the top ten results. We guess that you will find them amusing, funny, in part hilarious and sometimes quite strange; in fact, exactly like our politicians.

1) Boris Johnson [Elected Mayor of London in 2008]: 'I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as being decapitated by a Frisbee or of finding Elvis.'

2) John Prescott [Former Deputy-Prime Minister]: 'The Green Belt is a Labour initiative and we intend to build on it.'

3) Harriet Harman [Cabinet Minister]: 'Tony Banks described the English fans arrested in Marseilles as brain-dead louts - that goes for me as well.'

4) Robin Cook [Former Foreign Secretary]: 'They found more dangerous chemicals in Coca-Cola's Dasani mineral water than they did in the whole of Iraq.'

5) Harold Macmillan [Former Prime Minister]: 'It has been said that there is no fool like an old fool, except a young fool. But the young fool has first to grow up to be an old fool to realise what a damn fool he was when he was a young fool.'

6) Boris Johnson: 'Yes, cannabis is dangerous, but no more than other perfectly legal drugs. It's time for a rethink, and the Tory party - the funkiest, most jiving party on Earth - is where it's happening.'

7) Margaret Thatcher: 'I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.'

8) Michael Howard [former Cabinet Minister]: 'You are the deals-on-wheels Prime Minister - no wonder the Chancellor is not a happy eater!'

9) David Blunkett David is supposed to be a sad, lonely, old, blind b*****. David's not meant to have fun or go to nice restaurants or - heaven forbid - have s**.

10) Edward Heath [1970's Prime Minister]: 'Do you know what Margaret Thatcher did in her first Budget? Introduced VAT on yachts! It somewhat ruined my retirement.'

Will and Guy think that this is the best website for the latest

*Number 10 Downing Street, in London, is the residence and office of the First Lord of the Treasury and Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.